**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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