Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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