That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
