You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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