He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
