he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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