I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
