Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
