Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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