3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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