Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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