I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
