I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
