We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
