just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
