Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
