Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
