I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
