You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
