he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
