I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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