She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
