my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
