Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
