then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
