he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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