you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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