Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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