ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
