How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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