You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
