Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
