im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
