don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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