I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
