I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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