K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
