I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
