I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
