she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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