best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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