last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you traded sex for a burrito?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
