it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
