Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
