Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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