I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
