Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
