if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
