if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
