so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
