Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
