the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
