Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
