mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're so nebulous sometimes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
